Late October, 2006: The Flood.
5:45 a.m. Friday morning. I wake to hear the faint, familiar sound of my washing machine. Groggy from too-little sleep, having stayed up watching the Late Show and doing laundry, I trudged downstairs and opened the door of the kitchen, only to step into three inches of standing water! Suddenly wide awake, bewildered and panicky, I ran to the laundry to discover gallons of water gushing full-force from beneath the closed lid of my washing machine! Water had flowed from the washer into the kitchen and the den, completely submerging the floor in both rooms.
Early November, 2006: The Damage.
The weeks since the flood have crawled by, filled night and day with the high winds and nerve-shattering roar of industrial-size fans and dehumidifiers. I’m told that my kitchen cabinets and all flooring in the kitchen and den must be replaced. And as the water begins to dry, behind it comes the MOLD.Later in November: More Bad News.
I have been meeting with kitchen designers at Lowe’s and Home Depot. However, it seems that the kitchen remodel can’t begin until the sagging kitchen floor is repaired.So the kitchen cabinets are removed and only subflooring is left in my kitchen and family room. A contractor tells me that I need to jack up my house — my ‘70s era, two-story brick house with attached garage. So the house is jacked up. And the walls crack and the tiles break and the bathroom vanity separates from the wall. And the insurance company won’t pay for the newest damage.
Nov. 23, 2006: Thanksgiving
I spend Thanksgiving cooking and feasting with my family in Atlanta, grateful that my mother and daughter have four ovens between them. The nightmarish memories of the kitchen flood and mounting bills begin to fade as the dinner wine and tryptophan do their magic. Perhaps it was all one of Brady’s lucid dreams…
But wait! The Thanksgiving edition of the Late Show is about to begin.
Earlier in the month, like all dream-filled, pie-headed AFLers, I had submitted my two entries in the annual AFL Dave's Mom's Thanksgiving Pie Thanksgiving-Pie-Guessing Contest and I was eager to see which pies Dorothy had baked this year. So I grab my after-dinner cocktail and a plate of turkey biscuits and hunker down to watch the Big Show.
The Excitement Mounts!
Unbelievably, Dorothy has baked a pumpkin pie and an apple pie! Exactly the same two pies I had guessed! Is it possible … could it be … that I’M this year’s Pie Champion? Checking the final tally of pie guesses on AFL, it appears that seven clever people guessed the pies correctly so it now comes down to the tie-breaker question. This year’s contest is a real nail-biter. I wonder if I was even close? What was my pie utterance guess, anyway? The results will have to wait until Helen of the Charts and Graphs, Pie Goddess Traci, and Mr. Top Ten Mock-a-Rama Langdell announce the Pie Champion tomorrow.
Nov. 24, 2006: Results are revealed.
I’M THE PIE CHAMPION!!!!
It’s true! I was absolutely on the nose with my guess of 44 pie utterances! Am I psychic... or intuitive? For a glorious minute or two I revel in dreams of pie-filled bliss, thumbing through a mental slideshow of pies, considering which one I’ll choose for my delicious, delectable prize.
But wait! I have no kitchen. How can I take the obligatory photos of my prize pie without a kitchen counter to set it on? Or a kitchen table to eat it on? Or even a floor to stand on? Back in Athens I try to describe the pie contest to the very cute kitchen designer guy/college senior at Lowe’s and he gives me one of his patient smiles and says he feels sure Lowe’s will let me pose my pie on the for-display-only kitchen counter.
Hmm… maybe this will put a novel and innovative spin on my pie report. I promise to put Kitchen Designer Guy’s photo in my pie report and treat him to a slice of the prize pie as well.
Here’s what my kitchen looks like now:
Sometime between December and March, 2007: Waiting.
I’ve had a couple of email exchanges with Traci. I’ve decided on an apple pie, and the Pie Goddess, who can do absolutely anything, assures me that she can make it dairy-free so my son can share it with me. Traci would like to delay the pie delivery until she gets settled into her New York apartment, which comes as a relief to me since besides trying to shop for Christmas, my hardwood flooring and new kitchen cabinets won’t be installed until January. And I’m still shopping for a new stove and refrigerator. Besides, cute Kitchen Designer Guy is busy with exams so a photo shoot at Lowe’s isn’t looking too promising.
March, 2007: And Then There Was PIE — or not.
I got an email from Traci. She’s baking The Pie Thursday and will be shipping it frozen overnight Federal Express this Friday! I let her know that Saturday is my birthday (A birthday pie! How great is that!) and I will be going to Atlanta to celebrate late in the afternoon, coming home Sunday. She assures me that The Pie should get to my house on Saturday morning before I leave.
Saturday, March 21, 2007: Where is the pie?
Oh no! There was a snowstorm in Manhattan and The Pie’s plane was delayed. Traci is trying to find out if the plane is still sitting on the runway and when can I expect my Pie. She’s worried that The Pie will thaw, and I’m worried that I won’t be home. I dress for my birthday dinner, thinking how beautiful the weather is today in Georgia. After all, it is the first day of spring! I call my neighbor and ask her if she will please look for a pie in my garage if I’m not home tomorrow.
Sunday evening, March 22, 2007: Pie? No Pie.
There is no pie. Not even one. How could that pie not have come?
Monday, March 23, 2007: When Will There Be Pie?
It’s SPRING BREAK! The sky is a glorious blue; the daffodils are aglow with yellow and orange, and the dogwoods are a blur of pink and white. Suddenly, I hear my doorbell ring.
I can’t go to the door since, of course, I’m still in my pajamas. (It’s like, Spring Break, dude, so I don’t have to be anywhere.) Once I’m confident the unknown caller has left, I cautiously open the door and step into my garage.Then I see it. Right there… a Federal Express box.
My heart racing, I bring the box inside and set it on my new (granite!) kitchen countertop. Quickly, I grab the digital camera I checked out from the school library and set my Pie Champion tiara atop my head. Then I yell for my son to come downstairs so we can begin the grand unveiling.
With tiara in place, I wave my magic wand and — voila! The outer box is removed!
Next are layers and layers of bubble wrap.
Under all that bubble wrap is the pie still intact?
After spending days stranded in a snowstorm, did this plucky pie survive the flight?
Another layer is revealed. This time it’s aluminum foil.
And finally, a tightly-wrapped sheath of Saran wrap.
The Pie has managed to fly out of the cold blustery New York winter into the warmth of an early Georgia spring without so much as one crumbled morsel of crust.
I think this calls for a celebration!!
So put your sunglasses on and whirr up a tasty beverage.
We’re going to PARTY!!
The Pie Champion enjoys a frozen lime concoction outside Jittery Joes.
I decide to take The Pie with me for a Spring Break outing.
First we enjoy the beautiful landscape at the State Botanical Garden of Georgia.
The Pie gets a little sun next to a rippling stream.Next, The Pie admires a woodland display of daffodils at the Garden.
Then we stop at the World of Wonder Playground, and I pose on the Bulldogstatue. FYI — There are 36 decorated Bulldog statues found throughout Athens.
While I’ve had a lovely day of outdoor fun, Spring Break is really about wantonly indulging in forbidden pleasures. Of course, I mean eating a very large slice of warm apple pie baked by the AFL Pie Goddess herself!!
Gorgeous!
Look at that flaky crust!
And layers and layers of tender, tangy apples!
The perfect slice of pie!
So ends the story of a crazy newsgroup, a pie contest, a remodeled kitchen, and a happy winner!
A special thank you to Traci, the Pie Goddess, who baked the most amazing apple pie I’ve ever tasted. Also, many thanks to Helen, James, and the AFL Dave's Mom's Thanksgiving Pie Thanksgiving-Pie-Guessing Contest runners-up (aka ‘losers’). Without you, my victory in this contest would not have been possible. Woohoo!
*My newly-remodeled kitchen includes a baking center created from the former laundry closet, granite countertops, hardwood flooring, and stainless steel appliances. (Not pictured below is the backsplash of travertine and green glass tile added later.)
